Run 870

Location Le Broc
Hares Spare Rib and Mrs. Cup Cake

Scribe Anne Yurism

The Annual Spare Rib and Mrs. Cup Cake Easter Hunt Special;

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Sadist, being keen, arrived at the usual start spot in plenty of time and stood at the junction directing the traffic for all those that missed the official start point as indicated by the, “what 3words”, directions in the official instructions.
But then, since when have Hashers followed instructions?
Our Illustrious, newly appointed R.A. not following instructions, decided to come the pretty way and found his road blocked and had to make a large detour, only arriving just in time to avoid a Down Down later. (RA note – a little local knowledge is a dangerous thing on a hash).
Only a few minutes late starting as Spare Rib, alias Sam Kalidi, had to book the numbers for restaurant.
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Off we go, sheep one way following the hare and the goats leaping around, off the other, following the flour.
Oohps, all, except Padre, run past a coloured ribbon, which indicates eggs nearby. He stops to search and the others return only to discover a false alarm as the ribbon was a relic of a previous event. Normal service is resumed and we cross the road and commence the up part of the run.
 
Mel N.N. and offspring Leon, accelerating away and straight past the egg indicator. Jobsworth Levrette (privilege of being the editor) is in like a flash. Quickest I have seen him her move in a long time. Eggs snaffled and we are on our way again to the first check. Mel and sprog, reaching the check first head off taking the easy way, along the flat section, following the contour and the following Le Broc experienced others start the upward slog. Meanwhile, Jobsworth did an extra long uphill falsie. He was rewarded with a delightful photo of the other “runners”  truggling hard up the hill as his reward…
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More eggs soon follow as a reward and cursing can be heard from below. Not mentioning any names. Up we go again to the next check. Up again and we are congratulating ourselves on getting the right trail. One and a half Km. later we pass what we think is a painted cross on the top of a fire fighting water cistern which later turns out to be made of flour.
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Editor’s note – this photo of Levrette and Cumalot was taken whilst standing on the cross and before realising it was actually a cross. D’oh.
 
Pythagoras’ theory of the Bermuda triangle comes into play as we run around in circles until the correct trail is found, way back down the hill.
The next bit is censored as I am trying to give up sexual innuendos, but it is hard, so hard. Leverette is now leading down the hill and as we discover later she is pretty quick at going down. Even had a beer named after her.
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The new, super fit, Cumalot leads the way down the goat track and No Satisfaction decides that she is no longer Bovidae and takes the easier but long way down via the tarmac road.
Padre meets Cumalot coming back from a false trail and they make their way towards the Beer stop and as they enter the village the walkers are just ahead. This looks like good timing as he Hare directs Padre the correct way, which Cumalot ignores and goes in the opposite direction. To be fair Cumalot knows Spare Rib better than most.
Huh! How do you know when a Hare is lying? Answer; His lips are moving.
However, although a false trail, another nest of eggs is located here. So all is not lost. Well except for egg free Cumalot and Mel N.N. who is still miffed as she is yet to find any chocolate eggs at all.
Very soon we are all safely together at the mid point picnic, except No Satisfaction who is still doing her individual, time trial, road race.
However, there is enough food to feed at least six times those present so there is no need to save her any of the goodies. Chocolate brownies, carrot cake, cup cakes, etc etc.
Beer stop over and Mel N.N. and Leon wimp out, No Satisfaction pulls the sick note out and says she cannot run as she has a bad wrist which leaves the hardy few to continue.
A quick detour down to the bottom of the valley and back up the other side, with none of the runners falling for Spare Rib’s devious attempts to lead us astray. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once but we have had fun down this particular valley with the waterfall and old ruined mill many times before. The more experienced can actually recognise it from both directions. Prestressed was pleased he had his orthopaedic shoes on the uneven ground. He told me he did not think they would work but later he said he stood corrected. Boom Boom!
And so it was back to the start after 11km and over 700 metres of vertical ascent. And descent. We had a little time to kill before dinner was to be served, so what better way to pass it than by holding a circle. The RA has been trying out some new songs, but didn’t quite find space for this one. Pity as it’s very catchy:
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The court stenographer has a disease meaning that all accusations are hazy and probably inaccurate, so here goes with the faithful account.
Hare – Spare Rib, who is getting easier on us with every year that passes
MasterChef international diplomatic incident of the week award (aka cakes that were neither too crispy nor too flacid but perfect) – Mrs Cup Cake, Ellie and Mel NN (in abstentia)
Chatters not paying attention to the circle – the usual ones (Mad Max, Dire Rear, Tosspot…..)
Returners – Spare Rib and Mme Cup Cake
Visitors and Virgins – Ellie from Bournemouth (twinned with Le Broc) and Vanessa
Cumalot and Levrette for Racism. Especially Cumalot
No Satisfaction for Short Cutting due to her invalidity. Or long cutting as she insists
The “Video Killed the Radio Star” award to Sadist, Padre and Cumalot for being mentioned in dispatches by the pretender to the throne of Seborga on his radio show
Levrette for trying to brainstorm a hash name for Mel NN that is clean. Since when were hash names ever clean?
Spare Rib for dereliction of duty by letting Farty Bum open the circle beer for him, joined by Farty Bum for being too enthusiastic
Shit of the Week was a contest between Farty Bum for being over enthusiastic, Jobsworth for no real reason and Padre for stealing all the eggs. Clearly, Padre won by a country mile
 
Circle over, it was time to sample the excellent daube in the annual outing to L’Estragon. Delicious as ever and a heartfelt thanks to Spare Rib for the hash as well as to Mrs Cup Cake, Ellie and Mel NN for the delicious cakes.
Onon the next!
Onon to the next!

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