Can you spot Incredible Hulk in this Video...?

Hash Number : 935

Location: Sainte Agnes

Hares Contessa and Cumalot with special technical assistance from Farty Bum and Heavy Pants. (Eh? Ed.)

Scribe: Paddy O'dors with technical input from our man Locked Down in Ireland.

Now to the write up.  as Shakespeare would say, 2B or Not 2B, which pencil shall I use.

"It's very hard to be a gentleman and a writer ."

W.Somerset Maugham ​
In this case Padre is neither a gentleman or a writer. (Attributed to Jobsworth, Ed?)
 
And it is even harder doing it from here, in Ireland. (What? Being a Gentleman, Ed.)
 
Apparently it was decreed there should not be a report so as not to draw the authorities attention to the fact that Rhhh were
breaking the Covid regulations.
 
So in the best storytelling tradition here is what might have happened. 
All similarity, or reference to characters, living or dead, is purely coincidental and the result of a very fertile imagination.
 
If planning to participate special clearance had to be obtained from the Ministry of Funny Walks,
 
 with the application form filled in  along with a current electricity bill.  Then, and only then, were the details revealed.
Then special permission had to be obtained from the Hashmaster and if you complied with the regulations you were given the directions to the secret location which was located hill up in the hills behind Menton.
 
Listen very carefully I will say this only once? 
And you had to keep two metres apart.
Now as you all know certain Hares have certain traits and you can normally figure out who the Hare is just by the way the trail 
is laid. You would not have needed to ask who set this trail.
 
This was a typical Contessa Hash.
 
 It was a serene drive along the coast and turn inland near Menton and then the winding, twisting drive up and up and then some more up. 
 
Just when you thought you had run out of up when you turned the corner there was even more up.
The scenery was beautiful if you could take your eyes of the road long enough to appreciate the wonders of nature.
 
I do not see how a tame Rally driver could get the directions wrong though with up being the only way to go. 
 
Though like all good drivers he blamed his navigator.
 
With all the rules and regulations in place I decided I ought to check before I went shopping and telephoned B and and Q to
ask how big the queue was and the helpful lady in customer service told me it was the same size as the Q
The instructions given, (Run up the hill, Ed.) to the assembled Hash deprived hoard of degenerate, delinquents, started off, for once on time due to the Germanic timekeeping and the frustration of not being able to Hash for quite some considerable time.

This lasted for the first 100 m or so and then the reality of the upness became apparent. Heavy Pants decided to hold Cumalot’s hand. (And other bits, Ed.) and stayed beside him for the rest of the afternoon. 
 
Once at the top is was catch you breath, look around and admire the view and then for the walkers back down the same way and the runners down a parallel path, just as steep and just as ankle turning up.

Farty Bum energetically leading the faster walkers and Contessa sweeping as the Lanterne Rouge.
 
Another superb trail in stupendous Von Trapp type country. (Although the singing in the circle was not up to their standard, Ed.)
 
Heavy Pants said Cumalot needed her support but he inferred she needed his and not because of some Stockholm syndrome due to him keeping her captive in Jobsworths apartment for the last three months.
However, you can always wear a talking bullshit mask.
And finally, just to put it all in perspective......................
Not sure how up to date these figures are...

Down Downs!

HARES :  Walkers’ hare and site chooser and map-maker: Contessa
               Part-time assistant walkers’ hare (also slightly assisted runners) : Farty Bum
               Runners’ hare :  Cumalot
               Assistant runners’ hare : Heavy Pants
 
MUGLESS : No Satisfaction, Long & Hard
 
200-RUN MUG :  Long & Hard
 
COMPLAINING :  Duchess    (by the Maginot Line fortress)  (?)
                           Hares — overly Germanic about starting on time
                           No Satisfaction — re Jobsworth’s un-ecological method of charging his phone with a running Porsche
 
TAKING NUTS WITH BARE HANDS : Prestressed, Tosspot, Duchess, No Satisfaction  (some also put their bare hands in Prestressed’s ice-bag)
 
ASKING IF MUSHROOM WAS A CEP, OFFERING IT ONLY TO FEMALES :  Cumalot
 
HASH CHILDREN — RIDING SEE-SAW (ALSO KNOWN AS A TEETER,-TOTTER) :  Prestressed and Heavy Pants  
 
CHOOSING A BEAUTIFUL SITE BUT HARD TO SET A TRAIL IN :  Contessa
 
SEX IN CIRCLE :  Cumalot and Heavy Pants
 
WEARING RED FOR MANCHESTER UNITED :  Supermarket Trolley
 
WHINGING ABOUT LACK OF SCRIBE : Padre (represented by Irish-blooded Supermarket Trolley and Heavy Pants and Romanian-blooded Long & Hard)
 
BECOMING A GENUINE FRENCH WOMAN :  No Satisfaction
 
PIGEON HOMICIDE :  Farty Bum
 
FOR CLAIMING “THEY MADE ME EAT THE SECOND PIECE OF CAKE” :  Françoise  (at the last hash)  (Prestressed’s birhday cake)
 
SHIT-OF-THE-WEEK :  Jobsworth for charging his phone with a running Porsche
                                   No Satz for Corona Phobia
 
                                   Winner :  Jobsworth
 
 
There are others because Jobsworth down-downed everyone present.